Welcome to another Retro Newsletter. If this is your first time here, I highly recommend reading this newsletter first. It will give you the basics.

Last Thursday, I ran a retrospective that didn’t finish. We realised we needed to pause and reschedule, so we did.

And that’s exactly why I’m writing about it: to share the lessons and the idea that sometimes calling it is the best option.

This retro had been waiting a long time.

The team wanted and needed to look back on a particularly difficult project that had stretched over more than a year. We finally had a spot, and it was scheduled.

We designed the data-gathering around Proud / Worried, split across four areas:

It was an online retro with around 16–18 people. As people arrived, a few were late.
As we started, BRB messages appeared in the chat. Then, gradually, people began to disappear.

Just as we were about to move on to discussing the data and break into smaller groups, the Product Owner spoke up.

She named what many were already feeling:concern that people weren’t present, and that crucial voices were missing from a conversation that mattered deeply to the team.

So we paused.

After a short discussion, we decided to stop the retro and reschedule it for a time when people could be fully present, ideally in person. It wasn’t the most popular decision, but we didn’t want to waste people’s time.

Facilitation isn’t about pushing through an agenda at all costs. Sometimes, the most respectful thing you can do is to stop. Great facilitation is also about knowing when to call it versus pushing through. I was glad someone raised it, and we decided to stop. As an outside facilitator, I often don’t want to be the one to make that call.

Continuing would have meant:

Stopping acknowledged reality instead of pretending it wasn’t there. It also showed me the courage and trust in this team that people are willing to be honest and real with each other. Calling it signalled that this conversation deserved better conditions, greater presence, and deeper reflection.

One of the most important insights didn’t come from the sticky notes.

It came from who was — and wasn’t — in the room.

The people leaving weren’t disengaged from work; many of them were prioritising work for other teams. They are members of this team, but at that moment, something else came first.

For some team members, that felt disrespectful. For others, it felt normal. And that gap in perception is itself retro-worthy data.

Retrospectives aren’t just about process, tools, or delivery
They’re also about:

This team now has two conversations to have:

This is an important conversation this team needs to have about what gets priority when another team asks for help. The team needs to have agreements in place.

It’s hard to stop any meeting midway through, but so often we push through when the decision-makers have left, when the people with the needed information are gone, or when people are just disengaged and not even present. It’s far more powerful to stop and address the real issues than to push through for the sake of performance and tick boxes.

💡 The Big Idea

A retro that doesn’t happen can still tell you exactly what the team needs next.

Name what you’re seeing.

If energy drops, people leave, or engagement fractures, pause and reflect it back. That moment is often more valuable than pushing forward.

1. There is a Unicode character for a “pile of poo.” 💩

🔗 Link

Till next time

Jo